‘You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.’ ~Psalm 56:8
Christmas has once again come and gone, and everything that glitters and twinkles is safely packed away until next year. All of a sudden the house looks clean and yet a bit empty and sad. I love Christmas but would be lying if I didn’t confess that this season often makes me feel a little melancholy. Christmas is a time that serves as a marker…a reminder of things past, a reminder of memories sweet and bitter, a reminder of relationships that may be lacking and less than we’ve dreamed.
It can also be a marker of firsts. We had two significant firsts in our family this year. Christmas 2010 was my mom’s first celebration in Heaven. On quiet evenings bathed by Christmas tree lights I loved to close my eyes and see Mom seated comfortably at the Father’s table. Lavish, this gathering was one that included many beautiful things, but pain and tears were not permitted. Seeing her free from her earthly broken body filled my heart with joy and peace. I had heard from those who know that the first Christmas might be tough. This assessment was accurate, but we made it through, supporting each other through hugs and words of love and more hugs.
Christmas 2010 was also my youngest grandson, Skylar’s, first Christmas on this globe we call our temporal home. When I think of how God linked these two monumental events in my life, the sad farewell and joyous debut, I am humbled by His kindness and mercy once again. I cannot imagine 2010 without sweet Skylar. There is no better medicine for an aching heart than snuggling your newborn grandson. This beautiful bundle of boy, with sandy hair, sparkling blue eyes and giggles galore has made my journey through the tunnel of grief a peaceful, hopeful journey. God is good at figuring this stuff out and I am so thankful He is.
I’ve learned a lot about living in the moment this past year. Losing someone you love very much, suddenly and without warning, will do that. Feeling quite spoiled, I enjoyed a Christmas morn with the ones I love the most gathered around my tree. As the gifts were passed and opened, I just soaked in the moment, enjoying the new memories. Watching our oldest grandson Tucker lovingly help his nine month old brother, Skylar, open his gifts made my heart feel free and childlike again.
I found tears near the surface as I looked across the room at my sweet Dad, knowing his lonely heart was screaming for his beloved. In the secret place of my own pain deep within my heart I invited Jesus to join me in this new and scary experience. He never balks at my invitations. At that moment I felt myself being held up by familiar arms that are strong and sure and even found myself relaxing and leaning into them. The morning festivities turned into afternoon festivities and soon we were hugging and saying goodbyes.
The last car drove away and I settled into my favorite chair near the fire. It surprised me how quickly and easily the tears flowed. These tears were different than other tears I had shed in the seven months since my mom met Jesus face to face. Like a faucet turned wide open, there was no holding these back as I had done so often before. So I let them go, and as I stood face to face and toe to toe with my pain and sadness, I heard the familiar whisper from the Lover of my soul. “Let them go, let them go… Beautiful daughter, I know your pain, I am collecting every tear.”
When my son and daughter-in-love joined us later that evening for a candlelight dinner, my heart was light and my spirit renewed. I felt courage and hope for the next leg of the journey. Christmas 2010 was fun and precious, new and scary, and was now tucked away safely into our memories. We made it through this first, this biggie. Jesus proved himself faithful once again. He is interested in every facet of my life…and yours. This Designer of my heart is ready to enter into every painful place and will never turn down our invitation. He’s so good at that…
My dear friend, thank you for sharing from your heart. Thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable and speak your love for God and to share His love for you. I love you. Beth
P.S. We are writing!
Thank you, Beth… Your friendship gives me courage. I love you.
Hi Jodi,
You write so eloquently. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, the love you have for the Lord, how much he loves you and all of us. I cannot begin to express how much I look forward to your posts every day. You have encouraged me through a really rough year. I feel so blessed to have connected with you this year. Thank you for your faithfulness, your love of Jesus and for being my friend. Happy 2011.
Love you,
Lynne
Praying God will fill your year with many blessings and surprises, Lynne. Thank you for your encouragement, beautiful friend…
Dear Daughter of the Most High God,
Your words spoke to my heart Jodi. As the tears fall down my face I feel sadness…but I feel hope more! Thank you for sharing, may the God of ALL hope dwell in you richly.
Debbie…May God continue to pour blessing all over your life. And may 2011 be a year where God’s love wraps you up tight and sets your heart free to soar with Him. Love, Jodi
Thank you Jodi, for putting it into words that I feel. First can be a blessing when you are looking at the right ONE, it seems so hard at first . We seem to always go kicking and scratching, and then we learn to let go. Thanks again Jodi.
Happy New Years to you and your family
Thank you, Mark… May God continue to meet you intimately and shower you with His love in 2011.
So beautifully put… Happy New Year friend.
Happy New Year, beautiful Sher. I love you…
I’m glad you had your moment Jodi, it was so needed. And sounds like it was perfectly timed and orchestrated by indeed, the Lover of your soul. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Looking forward to seeing you soon.
Lovingingly, Amy
Happy New Year, Amy. And thank you for your encouragement through this new path in my life. I appreciate you…